So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
accomplished twins. life is a go
a search helicopter?!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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