There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
