Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
