Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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