What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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