I want to walk on stilts...naked
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
