I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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