i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize