i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
