The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
