i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
