I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
