i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
