Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
