Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
