Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His nipple licking is glorious
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