he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
