careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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