U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
