Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
