then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
