You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I puked a lego.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
