Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I got chris browned last night
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
