So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
