U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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