I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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