My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
