man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
