Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You need a sexual gate keeper
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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