I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
