fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
