in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
