we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
