i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize