She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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