I wish they made helmets for livers.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
