He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
