if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
