the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
