Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
