I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
