There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
