He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
