It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
