yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
