Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
