Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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