I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize