I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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