just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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