Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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