Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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