Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
