My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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