I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
