Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
