Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
