i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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