That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
