i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
