she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
