Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I can tuck mytits in my pants
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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